Heidi Kent

I wonder what the funniest things to hit someone with are…

Okay so, you’re in a supermarket, some guy walks up an looks like he is going to hit you in the face.

You have to act fast you grab the nearest item to you! Now what would that be?

Well depends would you be loitering in the confectionery isle at the time (like most of us can be found in that isle each time we shop) are you in the toiletries isle? Are you in the meat section wondering why the hell Lamb is so expensive? Are you in the Fruit an Vegetable section because you are usually there you love to eat healthy, or you don’t particularly like meat an so you choose your meals carefully, an balance your other options for a full dietary fulfilling meal?

So now lets review what would the best objects to use as weapons in this situation be for each of the given….isle choices.

Confectionery isle: Guy walks up to you an takes a swing, you duck an grab the nearest item to you, a king size Crunchy, you take a swing at his head with it. It hits, the Crunchy bar collides with his head, the wrapping burst open as the Crunchy snaps cleanly into two pieces over the guys head. The guy is now angrier then ever because he is now covered in bits of Crunchy an you only managed to make a small bump on his head. You also have to pay for the Crunchy you destroyed. Fail. Best case scenario somehow crunchy has landed in his eyes an you can escape as he rubs them furiously to see you.

Toiletries isle: Guy walks up to you an takes a swing, you duck and grab the nearest item to you, a toilet brush an a pair of gloves, you take a swing at his face, you swing both the gloves an the brush in a 360 as you swing yourself around to get more force to the blows, the gloves hit first, slapping the guy in the face, then the brush follows through knocking into his temple, his face is red where the gloves have slapped his cheek, he is now both embarrassed an stunned. Win. 

Meat section: Guy walks up to you an takes a swing, you duck and grab the nearest item to you, a ham leg. Lethal an you know it! You swing, your not as fast as he was with your swing but you put force behind it, the blow comes down true, into the side of his head, the guy drops to the ground, you realize you just knocked him out with a leg of ham. You put the ham back where you found it. Step over the unconscious guy, an casually stroll off grinning at your own awesomeness.Win.

Vegetable section: Guy walks up to you an takes a swing, you duck, and grab the nearest item to you, a bag of carrots, you swing the bag around your head in a 360 degree motion, the guy looks up at the carrots, you then bring the carrots down then quickly hurl them up into his chin, his head snaps back an he falls to the ground, you drop the bag on him an sprint as fast as your legs can carry you, you bought yourself some time, an dazed him a bit, that bag was heavy. Win.

See? Now its your turn, imagine you’re attacked in a strange but common place, like a cafe or supermarket or newsagents. Now where are you in that place? What is the first thing you grab?

  1. angelkent posted this